I got the tassle, and the honor cord, and I went through commencement. I even have the class ring. But unless I get this project done, I'll never get the only part that matters: the diploma. Sonofabitch. I'm close, though, I think. At the very least, I'm closer than I've ever been before, which is good news.

In other news, I'm now 0-16. This time, it was, "I'm sorry, I'm at my parents' house in Houston. We're having a family get-together for Memorial Day. But, if I weren't, I would definitely go." I'm thinking that doesn't count completely. Maybe .5-15.5? It's an improvement, I think.

Saw Shrek 2 tonight. I give it two thumbs up. They made fun of everything: from Puss in Boots doing Indiana Jones to hybrid ass-dragons to the Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man. I mean, how can you lose? It was lighthearted (mostly), over-the-top, immensely fun, witty, and uproariously funny. Now, granted, nothing can quite beet Lord Farquad, but we had Antonio Banderas, Rupert Everett, Julie Andrews, and John Cleese. Not to mention Cameron Diaz and Mike Meyers, of course. I give it four out of five stars for humor, four and a half for originality, six for excellent animation, and five for witty banter, intelligent satire, and well-executed parody. A must-see. For anyone who's seen it, here's my question: What's your favorite part? For me, it's definitely the Mission Impossible scene. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you're slacking off, and you need to get out of the house.

In case I haven't already mentioned it, party on July 3rd. w00t!

You know, I just have notoriously bad luck with women. My first relationship (technically my second girlfriend, I suppose, but the first one was for all of a week during vacation in Tucson, so I don't think it counts) lasted ten months (August 1997 - May 1998). She then moved off to college and married some guy a little over a year later. He seems like a nice guy, but that's beside the point.
I then somehow managed to not even get a single date for the next four years.
I went on one date in November 2001, which I thought was nice, but it turns out she was a bit dissatisfied with it. Sorry 'bout that.
Then, nothing until Michelle at the end of my junior year. Thanks to my general cluelessness and inconsiderateness, though, that turned out to be an entirely one-sided and dysfunctional relationship.
Then there was Christina. I'll count her as my second real girlfriend. We were technically an item for almost exactly six months, though I suppose we started "dating" a month before. But, since it was summer, and she was working and I was away at camp, we didn't see each other a single time in the intervening month. Thanks, once again, to my close-mouthedness, and lack of ability -- or perhaps it's desire -- to express myself, that ended badly, and continued (off and on) to be unfomfortable and unpleasant for both of us through the end of the semester.
Since Christina and I broke up, I haven't been out on a single date, and I've been turned down... let's see... tonight makes fifteen times, I believe. This is kind of a an interesting time, though. It's the first time I've been turned down blatantly and with no pretense made. No "I'll have to see if I'm free," or, "I'd love to if I could," or "I don't know. Can I get back to you later?" or, "Sorry, I'm not feeling well." (Don't get me wrong, I understand that those might be legitimate reasons, and it may be possible that all fourteen times the girls I was asking did want to go. I'm not counting on it, though.) Instead, this is, I think, a verbatim transcript of the conversation:

"Hey, would you like to go dancing tomorrow night?"
"Me?"
"Yes."
"Honestly?" <I should have gotten the point here and said, "Oh. Maybe some other time." Instead, I said:>
"Yes?"
"Not really."
She then proceeded to give me a run-down of what her plans were for the next day. They involved getting up, going to work, going to rehearsal, and hanging out at a friend's house doing nothing.

At this point, it no longer even bothers me. I'm just bemused. Statistically, don't most people have better luck than this? 0-15... I figure, I'm at the bottom, there's no place to go but up. Besides, I figure if she didn't want to go dancing with ME, she would have made up some excuse. I'll assume that the fact that she didn't -- since last time I made the same proposition she said "Ooh... I want to! Unfortunately, I have rehearsal until eight. Where are you going? Can I make it in time?" -- means it didn't occur to her that it might be taken as a personal rejection, so I won't take it that way. But, I was wondering how long it would take to get turned down outright. Now I know. It only takes fifteen tries. (c;

I'll get 'em next time.

First post since I moved out of UH for good... I feel... fine. I'm surprised, really. Not that I expected to be catatonic because of the shock of leaving, since I do it every summer, but I didn't expect to be this okay with it. I was incredibly sad when I moved out, and seeing my friends leave the party also kinda hit a chord. Since then, though, I've just been fine. I'm in a good mood, except for Dr. Kakadiaris riding my ass and not being able to find a job. Well, that's a little deceiving, I suppose. I was offered a job, but decided not to take it. The two I wanted turned me down. Now I'm in the "beggars can't be choosers" category. I have essentially two months before I absolutely need another paycheck (so as to make my car payment, doncha know). That's my deadline for finding a job.

Speaking of cars, mine is developing problems. The car only has thirty thousand miles on it. It's leaking transmission fluid and has a major leak on the passenger side. Either the drainage from the air conditioner doesn't work, or there's a leak in the windshield, because I managed to accumulate an inch of water on the passenger side flooboard today. Marph.

So... Party on July 3rd. Everyone's invited. We decided that since there are so many birthdays in July (My Mom's on the 1st, Laura Ann's on the 2nd, David's(?) on the 5th, mine on the 18th, and several others on the 15th, and twenty-somethingth), as well as the fourth of July, we'd just combine them all into one bash. It helps that Laura Ann (who lives downstairs, and is a pretty incredible girl. I kinda have a crush on her, though I don't like that word... Crush... sounds so juvenile. Meh.) will be turning 21 (a pretty big date, doncha know?), and my Mom will be turning 50 (a pretty big date, doncha know?). So, it's going to be a big bash. Everyone's invited. I'll set up another Evite thing, and I'll try to manage it better this time. I'll get a bunch of phone numbers for verification and do that the week before.

Last but not least: Got a PDA as a graduation present. It's pretty spiffy. It's not new (actually, it's refurbished), but it's awesome. Naturally, the first things I did with it were install an MP3 player and find a chess engine for it. Yay! Now I can carry my own personal chess nemesis in my pocket (I'm 0-7 now against it. Last game was pretty close until I made a mistake in the endgame, though).

Okay. Laters!

This is my last post from the dorms. Posting this is the last thing I'll ever do from my computer in the dorms. On the last day I'll ever set foot in this room, where I've spent the majority of the nights of the last four years... Oh well. Water under the bridge, I suppose. I've been so upset about leaving for the last week that, now that it's time, I just can't muster up any tears. I'll miss you all dearly. Look for me on a Thursday night sometime in the fall.

Peace.

Here's a beauty I got from Jared tonight. Try to guess what he's talking about. No cheating if you were there!

It's no so bad on the tongue. It's when it hits the back of your throat and makes a run for it that you have to watch out.

Four days to the party! Yay! Five days until graduation! Boo!

How do we define friendship? Or better yet, how do we differentiate between good friends and just friends? I mean, if someone is your friend, that just means that you feel feelings for them that we define as friendship, right? There are some other things that go with it, though. You enjoy being around that person. You tend to feel better when he/she is around. You make an effort to be around this person. Well, the last one is optional, but the rest seem pretty much given. But there are some other things, on top of these.

Some friends you just spend time with joking and having fun. You have a good time, you go your separate ways, and when you get together again it happens again. These are casual friends, I'd say. If there's nothing more to it than the fact that you get along well, then they're just friends. These are my "type A friends."

Other people don't really make your life a whole lot of fun, but they fulfill you in ways that type A friends can't. They may not feel the same way about you, but that's the way that you feel about them, and that's what defines your friendship, right? These are type B friends.

Of course, some people just click together. You get along great, you have lots of fun, but you can also get more serious and talk about meaningful subjects without either of you feeling uncomfortable. It's like a type A and a type B mixed together. If you're of the same gender, you should try to hang on to him/her for life. If you're of opposite genders, consider marriage. These are type C friends.


Now, here's my question: how important is the reciprocality of the relationship? I think type C relationships are mostly reciprocal. It's hard to feel that way about someone when he/she doesn't return your feelings. But what about the others? If you make an effort to be around a particular person, and he/she seems to enjoy your presence, but doesn't make the same effort to be around you, what does that mean? I have four theories:

1) you're a type A friend to that person. Regardless of how you feel about him/her, he/she views you as a fun person, and that's it. He/she enjoys your presence, but frequently doesn't want you around. He/she doesn't plan his/her activities in any shape, form, or fashion around whether or not you'll be able to attend or participate, and rarely goes out of his/her way to invite you along regardless. However, if you find out about it, you're most likely welcome to come along. This kinda sucks, but if you can deal with it, kudoes to you.

2) The other person views me as a good friend, but is too myopic or self-centered to realize that friendships need reciprocality. All this requires, most likely, is communication. Though you saying, "I need more out of this relationship" might come across as a little weird, a strong friendship will just get stronger because of it. This is a good situation, so long as you take the initiative.

3) You're delusional. This person doesn't want or enjoy your presence, but simply tolerates it. You need to come to the realization that you deserve better (and so does he/she), and find some other friends.

4) You're crazy, because he/she makes an effort to be around you just as much as you make an effort to be around him/her, and you just don't realize it. Pull that chip off your shoulder, open your eyes, and get back to enjoying life without the complications your inferiority complex has placed on it.

Now, I'm wondering... I've really never been able to tell which of the above is the case when I've gotten that feeling about a friendship. How do you tell?

Stolen from Hartschuch:


You are a GRAMMAR GOD!


If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!


How grammatically sound are you?
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It's time to take the last few tests, tweak that project just a little more before turning it in, and move all the stuff out of the dorm room. The semester's winding down, and I find myself... sad. A little over a month ago I posted something that I now wish I could recant. I will miss living in the dorms. I still don't feel like this is home, but more and more the idea of living at home is looking unattractive... I want to be living across the hallway from Heather, my prime source for amusing bits of randomness. I want to live across the hallway from Miranda, and know that no matter how much chub I put on, there's someone fatter than me right down the way. I'm going to miss Katie over in Taub... Hell, I could write a lot about Katie. She definitely has her flaws, but I love her dearly regardless. And Chris Krueger... He's indomitable, you know? Sort of invincible. But I guess even without me here he'll go on making his jars, or pots, or bottles, or whatever the hell they are. Jason will still be the same crazy, sometimes stupid, sometimes unreasonable, but ultimately great guy, but I won't be around to witness it. Ian will be happy with Britnee, and I'll be happy for both of them, long-distance. Jared will be living with his parents for just long enough to go stir-crazy and move out, and I'll be right there with him, a hundred miles away. And Christina... Well, I've never really gotten over her, and it's not surprising. How are you supposed to get over someone when she's around all the time? In most cases exes can be friends, but it only really works from a distance. It's impossible to love from a distance the girl who lives one door down.

All my friends, and they'll be everywhere but where I am.

How I've survived my summers, I don't know. I went through them aching for Fall to roll around so I could get back here, where I belong. Now, looking at the end... I'll never be here again. Room 60E (or 309 for those who want to be specific) has been my haven. When I was feeling bad, I'd come in here and call my mom and she'd make me feel better. When I was feeling good I'd lie on my bed and read a book, or make a call and find someone to share my good mood... These have been the best four years of my life, this past year especially. The happiest and saddest moments of my life have been spent here at UH, or with people from UH. I've smiled and laughed harder than ever before. I've cried and screamed into my pillow... I've hurt myself, I've hurt other people, I've surprised some people and been surprised by everyone. I've had some of the best friends of my life, and managed to keep a few of my old best friends, too.

Where do I go from here? Life, like a fine wine, is supposed to get better with age. I just don't see how I can improve much on the life you all have given me. There's been joy, and sorrow, but it's never been empty. This last year, even when I could have pulled my hair out from frustration, punched a hole in the wall from anger, or cried my eyes dry from sorrow, life has always been full. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? I just don't know, and it scares me. I'm terrified that these really are the best years of my life, and I'll never be this full again...

I don't want to leave. I don't want it to be over.

Tonight was quite possible my last night of Thursday-night frisbee ever. Granted, it's not remotely the same group that we started out with, but that's beside the point. I'm enjoying Thursday nights more these days, and tonight especially was really fun. I am sorry I missed volleyball, though.

So, went to Value Village, and found me a beer mug. Holds a pint, has a glass bottom, steel handle and body. It's excellent. There's just something neat about drinking good, cold beer out of a cold steel mug. And I got it for $1.60. Beat that.

Ever notice how inspiration is hard to come by? It's an interesting thing, but it's true. I guess we wouldn't refer to ideas or decisions as "inspired" if they were common. I mean, if all I had to do was sit down and say, "I need something good to write about," and it came to me, that wouldn't be all that special, would it? We'd all be reading fantastic ideas left and right, but it wouldn't matter because we'd be having too many of our own good ideas. I think it's better the way it is. Let that sort of casual genius be the virtue of the chosen few, and let good ideas come to the rest of us like solitary, rare bolts of lightning. On the other hand, that's kinda like arguing that we should settle for mediocrity because it makes brilliance that much more impressive. Meh.

I'm going to start packaging some of my old computer science projects into self-extracting executables and posting links to them here on my blog. When I do, I'd appreciate it if some people would download them and try them out. It's experience that I'll probably need, so even if you can't get them to run, I'd like feedback. And I promise that, at least in some cases, they'll be cool.

That's it. Time to finish my beer, take a cold shower, and hit the sack.