It's time to take the last few tests, tweak that project just a little more before turning it in, and move all the stuff out of the dorm room. The semester's winding down, and I find myself... sad. A little over a month ago I posted something that I now wish I could recant. I will miss living in the dorms. I still don't feel like this is home, but more and more the idea of living at home is looking unattractive... I want to be living across the hallway from Heather, my prime source for amusing bits of randomness. I want to live across the hallway from Miranda, and know that no matter how much chub I put on, there's someone fatter than me right down the way. I'm going to miss Katie over in Taub... Hell, I could write a lot about Katie. She definitely has her flaws, but I love her dearly regardless. And Chris Krueger... He's indomitable, you know? Sort of invincible. But I guess even without me here he'll go on making his jars, or pots, or bottles, or whatever the hell they are. Jason will still be the same crazy, sometimes stupid, sometimes unreasonable, but ultimately great guy, but I won't be around to witness it. Ian will be happy with Britnee, and I'll be happy for both of them, long-distance. Jared will be living with his parents for just long enough to go stir-crazy and move out, and I'll be right there with him, a hundred miles away. And Christina... Well, I've never really gotten over her, and it's not surprising. How are you supposed to get over someone when she's around all the time? In most cases exes can be friends, but it only really works from a distance. It's impossible to love from a distance the girl who lives one door down.

All my friends, and they'll be everywhere but where I am.

How I've survived my summers, I don't know. I went through them aching for Fall to roll around so I could get back here, where I belong. Now, looking at the end... I'll never be here again. Room 60E (or 309 for those who want to be specific) has been my haven. When I was feeling bad, I'd come in here and call my mom and she'd make me feel better. When I was feeling good I'd lie on my bed and read a book, or make a call and find someone to share my good mood... These have been the best four years of my life, this past year especially. The happiest and saddest moments of my life have been spent here at UH, or with people from UH. I've smiled and laughed harder than ever before. I've cried and screamed into my pillow... I've hurt myself, I've hurt other people, I've surprised some people and been surprised by everyone. I've had some of the best friends of my life, and managed to keep a few of my old best friends, too.

Where do I go from here? Life, like a fine wine, is supposed to get better with age. I just don't see how I can improve much on the life you all have given me. There's been joy, and sorrow, but it's never been empty. This last year, even when I could have pulled my hair out from frustration, punched a hole in the wall from anger, or cried my eyes dry from sorrow, life has always been full. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? I just don't know, and it scares me. I'm terrified that these really are the best years of my life, and I'll never be this full again...

I don't want to leave. I don't want it to be over.